When it comes to relationships, especially our most important ones, we often get to a point where we are trying to figure out what is our stuff (baggage, issues, perceptions) and what is theirs.

Most people tend to fall more often into one of two categories: they either blame everyone else for how they feel and struggle with taking ownership, or they blame themselves and try to take way too much ownership.

This is the inevitable question: what is yours and what is mine?

This can be really hard to answer honestly in the heat of the moment. When we are reacting to something our partner or loved one has done, and we want to attack, retreat or defend ourselves, it is very difficult to determine what is yours and what is mine.

The feelings that come up around our experience with that important person can be intense, and even those of us very experienced with ownership and boundaries can find ourselves sucked into blame or self flagellation.

Where is your scale of ownership?

There is a measure or balance point between when we take too little and too much ownership. If you are one of those people who even asks yourself this question, then read on, because this article is for you.

Too much ownership leads to deflation in our spirit, and to little ownership leads to inflation in our ego. That is why it is really important to find our own balance point when we are in relationship with others, where we hold appropriate boundaries, and yet take enough ownership to feel empowered.

It will feel a little different for each person, but if you let yourself contemplate how you feel in certain situations, you can create a scale of ownership for yourself. Here is some steps to help.

1: Determine the “too much ownership” side of your scale.

Think of a situation in your life with a loved one when you really took too much blame for what happened in the relationship. Maybe it feels like guilt, maybe it feels like a burden. In this kind of situation, you feel your attention inward (you are looking at yourself), but instead of feeling empowered, you feel deflated, unworthy, unlovable.

When you are taking too much ownership, you will feel burdened by the parts you are owning that are not yours.

This is common for those of us on self-development paths. We often take too much responsibility for the things we say and do. We are constantly looking at how to own more, what we could have done in a situation, or how we attracted what came our way.

We might even buy into what our partner or loved one is telling us, and we immediately try to “fix” ourselves. This can be another ego game, as often taking too much ownership is just another way to to deflect from not taking enough ownership.

So, take a few minutes to describe how taking too much ownership felt for you, and write it down.

Here are some of the descriptions I have noticed both in my own experience and with my numerous clients: you might feel deflated, burdened, heavy, compressed, hunched over, tight in your stomach, bowled over, sad in your chest, head hung low.

When you have found your description for this experience, this will be one end of your scale. This is the feeling you get when you take too much ownership. When it becomes a burden versus a gift.

2: Determine the “too little ownership” side of your scale.

Now, let’s look at the other side of the scale. This part can be harder for anyone who refuses to acknowledge or see their ego. We all have an ego and it flares up several times a day for even the most amazing masters of spirit. I love the ego, it can be our friend and ally or our enemy.

The ego makes life interesting, passionate and life affirming, we just have to learn to manage it.

Look at the times when you have not taken enough ownership. Where you were really determined to blame and attack the other person. This side can be tricky, because our ego never wants to admit its overbearing attitude.

You can recognize this side by it’s determination to “prove” that you are right. It is one thing to set a good boundary and walk away or hold a space for someone else, it is quite another to have to prove that the other person is to blame.

We all fall into this trap, and I know first hand the struggle with taking ownership when we are really stuck in our old wounds.

If you let yourself feel into one of those times, you can recognize the moments you have not taken enough ownership in that experience. As they say, it takes two to tango. We always contribute in one way or another to our experiences, it is just about learning how to take just the right amount of ownership.

Now describe what it felt like when you were really in attack or blame mode and you refused to take responsibility. Use descriptive words and write it down.

For me, if I feel my body, when I am not owning enough, I tend to be leaning my body toward the other person. I am not feeling my own body or feelings, but instead completely in their space. I feel the urge to prove that I am right and they are wrong, and I might be bloody justified in my feelings, but because I am determined to win, it is a strong sign that I am not taking enough ownership.

Other descriptive words I have felt or seen with others are: you might feel armored, tough, out of your body, angry, tense, pushing, determined to prove, or attached to being right.

However you describe it, this is the other side of your scale.

3: See if you can find your balance point.

Now that you have found the two sides of your scale, let’s see if you can find your balance point.

Here is how you will know you are at your balance point and have taken just the right amount of ownership: you will feel freedom, empowerment and compassion!

When you take 100% ownership, no more and no less, you will actually feel light, joyful and at peace.

Often times, this kind of feeling can be accompanied by a realization of some kind, or an understanding.

When I reach that 100% ownership mark, my balance point, I realize what I did to instigate the conflict in the relationship, and I have compassion about where my partner or loved one was coming from. It doesn’t mean it is okay for someone to walk on me, or that I do not need to initiate some kind of boundary, but it means I don’t need to force them into doing anything. I don’t need to be right or prove a point.

I can state what I need and what I want, and let go of their experience with it. I can walk away, or I can make another choice that will preserve my well being.

See if you can feel a time in your life where you felt this kind of freedom in your relationships.

Where you could laugh at yourself and honor your choices (even if they were “bad” ones) and yet feel comfortable in being clear with your loved one about what was their role in the conflict. Where you didn’t feel attached to proving it to them, or to making them change. You could let them go through their own journey to find their own realizations, insights and ownership, while you were at peace with yours.

If you can’t remember a time you have felt it, then just rest assured that it is a skill you develop with practice, patience and ultimately, great reward.

If you begin to play with the feelings between too much ownership and not enough, you will have a body awareness of what is yours and what is theirs.

You may be wondering why this is so important, but it is our lack of ownership that creates stress, fear, conflict and chaos.

Practicing this exercise, allows you to resolve your conflicts more quickly and find the space and freedom that comes from owning your choices and reactions 100% of the time. This is the path to Living Authentically!

If you need extra help, you know where to find me.

In truth, it all comes down to ownership. I support people to OWN who they are and what they really bring to the table in their business, their relationships or their lives.

This is the path to sustainable success.

I hear people say they don’t know how to describe themselves in their marketing, or how to really express themselves in their relationships, but I find the trouble is not in describing who and what we are, but in personally owning it.

When we step into our power…when we truly own who we are, the world stands at attention. We attract the right relationships, the right circumstances, money, happiness and fulfillment. We so often look outside of ourselves for the answers, when the key to transforming our lives is just in us owning what we already are.

I am in no way saying this is always easy.

It can be a journey, but it is a rewarding one.

Think about the times in your life when you have owned who you are…when you admitted your power, your gifts, your value to yourself and to others!

This simple idea is relevant to your livelihood, your business success or your fulfillment.

How much of your life, time and energy has been spent in hiding who you REALLY are from your co-workers, partners, clients or bosses.

We receive messages very early on that we aren’t valuable enough, and we strive to “do more”, “be more” or “have more”. While we spend very little time cultivating and owning who we already are.

Create a thriving business just by owning your value!

Let’s take a wellness practitioner: someone who is incredibly good at what they do, but they’re still not creating enough time and money to really enjoy their business or their life. They are busy all the time, but really lack freedom. They come to me wanting to figure out how to market themselves better, and how to set their business up to attract more clients.

See, most entrepreneurs think that the solution for not making enough money is more marketing and more clients. Don’t get me wrong, I value marketing, but without owning their value, the marketing does nothing for the business in the long run. It might bring a short burst of clients, but eventually it will wind down. It isn’t sustainable.

Okay, back to my beautiful wellness practitioner…so this lovely practitioner is anxious to create more work and clients, but as I help her look at her business, we discover that she charges way below her true value. She also offers really low specials to attract clients, but once the specials are gone, the clients don’t stay. They were attracted the price, but because she didn’t own her quality, they didn’t stay loyal to her business.

I also find that she charges one rate to certain clients and a lower rate to others.

The bottom line: she is working way too hard for the little money she is bringing in.

This is an extremely common situation.

Now, one aspect to my job is to help her raise her rates and stay committed to those prices (no specials or deals). We look at the best pricing structure for her business and help her attract the clients that will complement this pricing structure.

This is one of the first things I do with all my clients, but it is not the important part. She has to actually OWN her value. She has to be able to declare her prices with confidence. If she can’t do that, then the pricing structure will not work and she will continue to attract clients who want more for less.

I may work with her through several sessions, helping her to own her value. We look at what she really offers…that little nugget that gives her clients the best outcome and experience.

When it finally drops in, it is a beautiful burst of awareness.

When she really owns her value, she can’t charge anything less than she is worth.

Every time she talks to someone about what she does, they can feel the value. It makes all the difference. Word of mouth starts to spread, she receives more money for less time, she refuses to accept anyone that doesn’t see her value, and she begins to create a sustainable and thriving practice.

This is just one example. Whether it is in business, relationships or your financial life…

If you can begin to own your value, you will change your experience.

It is in our human nature to make things complicated, but we are also divine. Divine power is simple. Instant manifestation comes when we fully own what we want. This isn’t the same as saying what you want, or pretending to own what you want. You actually have to do it.

It is an art we have long forgotten, but one I am committed to bringing back through each life I touch.

Where can you own your value today? What small step can you take to transform your experience?

I would love to hear about it. If you have any wonderful stories of how you are living more authentically, email me, play on my Facebook page or tweet it.

I send you so many blessings!

Abundance is a fascinating topic! The top two areas people seem to struggle with are money and relationships, while their relationship with money is probably at the very top.

I encourage people to create what I call Authentic Abundance. I thought maybe I could define that before we go on. My definition of Authentic is when the inner self is equal or congruent to the outer self. Let me explain this just a bit.

Most people out in the world have some authentic qualities: their inner feelings, beliefs and thoughts are represented somewhat in the way they live their life, or in some areas their Authentic Self is reflected in their personality. There are very few people though living a fully authentic life, where their Authentic Self is completely reflected in their outer life. This is natural, as we are all evolving and growing everyday.

Here are a few examples:

Let’s say that there is a woman who really hates working in an office. Her dream is to travel the world, helping others and living an exciting life that is spontaneous, free and fabulous. So her inner self says “freedom”, but the way she is living her life is anything but free. She is stuck to a 9 to 5 job, feeling trapped, unhappy and dissatisfied. This is one area of her life she is inauthentic or incongruent. She is not experiencing her Authentic Self and she can feel her burden, fear and sadness instead of her limitless potential.

This is not about judging ourselves for the areas we have yet to live authentically in, but this is about getting honest about where we are still not living to our fullest potential. We all have areas where we are inauthentic, and we all have areas where we are authentic. Again, I think the goal is to evolve ourselves to be more and more authentic everyday and to create the life of our dreams!

Another example might be a man who is a really passionate and emotional being inside, but outside he remains logical, controlled and unemotional. He wants to make sure he fits into the world and worries about being judged and humiliated. He does not feel like he can live authentically, because he might lose his friends, his job security or his reputation. This is just one area he is incongruent in, and the inability to express his Authentic Self might create depression, anxiety or stress in his day-to-day life.

We have a million reasons why we live inauthentically, but the key is to find our way to more truth, freedom and vitality. Okay, so I am getting to how we get to the pot of gold at the end of rainbow…just keep following my trail.

You have to follow the signs!

Yep, that is right, there are signs toward the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Before you can receive abundance, you have to follow the signs to the areas in your life you don’t feel abundant. There is no way around this path, because you have to be willing to look at the truth.

The definition of abundance is “the property of a more than adequate quantity or supply; plentifulness”. Let me highlight MORE THAN ADEQUATE and further explain that adequate means satisfactory or ACCEPTABLE in quality or quantity.

Isn’t this a fun word lesson? On a more serious note…seriously, being abundant requires us to accept that we have a more than adequate supply.

You can’t fake abundance, although you can try. You have to FEEL it!

How many areas in your life do you FEEL like you have a more than adequate supply?

It is time for a little check list. Before you can acquire more abundance, you have to look at the areas in your life your don’t feel abundant.

So get out a pen and paper! Begin to make a list of all of the areas in your life that you feel like you don’t have “enough”. You have to be honest. This is where the “humility” and the “spiritual identities” have to take a back seat to the truth.

If you aren’t experiencing “more than enough”, then you don’t actually feel it.

This takes us right back to Authentic Abundance, which is the ability to create abundance both inside and outside. This is the key to shifting your mindset and then your actual physical experience.

This is manifestation 101. What you experience inside is what you attract and create in your outer world. You can believe this or not, but if you follow my lead, you will start to see a shift. Even better, sign up for my FREE webcast, Authentic Abundance & The Million-Dollar Mindset…click here. This article is a taste of the event.

So, back to the checklist. Create a little outline of the areas in your life. It is really up to you, how you do this, but one way is to address some of the main areas: intimate relationship, friendships, money, clients, time, freedom, space, work/life balance, family play…just to name a few.

Now, go through each area and check if you feel you have “more than enough” or if you feel you are still lacking in abundance. Pay attention to how you usually talk about this area in your life, how you generally feel around it and if you tend to be relaxed or anxious when you think about this particular area.

This is your abundance analysis, and when you are done, move on to the next exercise.

The key is shifting your body and mind!

I am not messing around, it is as simple as shifting your body and mind to feel abundant, and that will attract to you a whole different experience.

Let’s look at a simple explanation of why this is true. I am not going to get into the beliefs about manifestation, the secret, or any metaphysical principles today. The truth is, you have to find your own beliefs, but I thought I would start with something you might be able to relate to.

Let’s look at what happens when we don’t feel abundant. Let’s say as far as time goes, I just don’t have enough. That is my thinking and I can feel it in my body. I am constantly stressed out, tense and anxious, trying to get to the next thing and always having a to-do list hanging around my neck. This is my experience.

Each day I am making thousands of little decisions and my mind and body are dictating which way I roll. If I am feeling stressed, anxious and have the mindset that there is always too much to do, then I continue to make choices that create much more to do. I definitely don’t make the choices that bring freedom, ease and much more space and time.

In addition, people can feel that pattern in me and they respond to it. Maybe they ask me to do more, after all I am constantly saying yes to more responsibility and less time.

I can’t help it. This is what I feel and so I keep creating the experience over and over again. This is my perception and that is what I continue to see, a world where there is not enough time. It is all I can see.

I can’t even see the hundreds of choices that would lead me down a path to more ease and time. Those choices just keep escaping my awareness.

I have had this experience, and worked with countless other people who are experiencing this scenario. As soon as I help them see the other choices, the ones that actually lead to more space and time, they begin to change their perception and their experience shifts. We work at changing the behavior that keeps creating lack in that area of their life.

So, if the key is shifting your body-mind to feel more abundance, how the heck do we do that!!!!

Follow me to more authentic abundance…

I am going to offer a few quick exercises, but for more in-depth steps, attend my event, sign up for the event to get the recording or dive into one of my coaching programs.

** Creating the feeling of abundance in your body and mind:

Okay, so this is really quite simple, but you have to take the time to do it and really invest yourself in it. Let’s take the lack of time example. This is the area I don’t feel abundant in and I have sooooo much proof that it is reality. What I want to feel though is space and free time. I want to feel myself with nothing on my to do list, and the ability to go with the flow!

My example is above, but for this exercise use your example, the area you feel you don’t have enough in. Follow these steps.
Note: It is great to do this exercise when you are relaxed, maybe before bed, after exercising, meditating or yoga.

1. Take a few minutes to focus on your breath and your body. Just notice your body and how it feels and breathe in and out easily.

2. When you feel centered, I want you to remember a time in your life when you felt really abundant in that area.
(For me, I might remember a time when there was no to-do list. Maybe I was on vacation or young enough that I had abundant free time.)

3. Let yourself feel that experience and memory in your body. What did your body feel like? Was it relaxed, energized or open? Spend a few minutes just reliving that memory in your body and mind. Let yourself breathe in and out deeply. Make sure you are really feeling it in your body. Let your body, emotions and senses feel the experience. Do this step for at least 5 minutes.

4. Feel into your life and let yourself explore possible ways to create more of this feeling everyday. (For me, I might begin to see that I could spend at least an hour a day without a to do list, just letting myself feel this feeling and following my energy to do whatever I want.)

5. Practice this exercise each day. It shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes all together. The more you practice it, the more you shift your mindset and your experience.

** Change the structures in your life to produce more abundance:

The truth is, we have much more freedom to create what we want than we think we do. The problem is that we have created structures in our life that support our scarcity habits instead of our abundance.

You can look at structures as our guidelines, the pieces of our life that move us forward or sometimes keep us in place. With time, we can look at the ways we structure our day, our schedule or literally our time. With money, you have to look at structures that bring money in and send money out. Every thing has a structure, and most of the time with my clients, it is as simple as helping them create better structures for their life, business or relationships.

Let’s take the example of time again. I have created structures that support my lack of time, but truthfully, I have the power to change those structures. In this case, I want to create something that supports my abundance of time. Everyone is different, so you have to look at what will work for you.

For me, having events attached to time can make me feel a lack of abundance in that area. I will always have some responsibility and be tied to some kind of timeline, but the question is, how can I create more abundance of time and specifically the feeling of abundance in my everyday life?

So what I did a long time ago is give myself one day a week where I take no appointments and am in no way tied to a timeline. Even my to-do list that day is not structured. I may have a wish list, but I don’t tie myself to it or beat myself up if it doesn’t get done. This is a sacred time and I don’t dishonor it. I keep my boundary of this day firmly in place. For me, it takes place on Mondays, and allows me to feel more abundant the rest of the week.

This is one small example, but feel into your structures and ask yourself where you can create more abundance!

** Learn to make abundant choices:

The bottom line is that we continue to make choices that lead us to scarcity instead of to abundance. Sometimes that is hard to swallow. I have been there, and I know the challenges that this idea can bring up for us. We so badly want to put the blame on circumstances, the economy, the business, the family and lots of other things, but the truth lies with us and the little choices we make everyday.

One way I support my clients to make better choices is to support them in creating what I call discernment questions. A discernment question is something that helps you see the difference between two choices and helps you to make the choice that in this case will bring abundance instead of scarcity.

For the time area, I might ask myself each day, “Will this action, choice or path lead to more abundance with time, or will it take me towards lack of time?”

You will be amazed at how many choices you make out of habit, and the discernment question will wake you up!

These are just a few simple processes that will take you towards Authentic Abundance and move you out of scarcity, lack and “not enough”. Try them, play with them and watch your experience shift.

I send you my blessings for your abundant and graceful journey ahead!

The next time you are at a bookstore or online, check it out! Have a beautiful week.

Most people have had these experiences, but still, few understand how to control them. They haven’t yet made the connection between themselves and their experiences.

The Culprit in the Way!

The reason that many of us have failed to unleash our full creative power, is because we are standing right in the channel of the flow. We, with our thoughts and our silly beliefs, are blocking ourselves from experiencing our dream lives, our greatest potential and our authentic power.

This isn’t about blame, but about taking back the helm of the ship. I know, I use that metaphor a lot, but it is such a good way to describe the challenge we all face for our freedom. Instead of directing our ship, we become the anchor in charge of keeping our ship stagnant.

We stop channeling the flow and instead begin to fight the flow of our creative power!

There is a whole lot of reasons we become the anchor, and I love to explore this phenomenon with my clients directly, but for those of you who aren’t my clients, I am going to offer you some tricks to try in the times you find your ship sitting stagnant.

The Direct Route

Okay, so if you are feeling daring, and you are ready to get to the bottom of your block, then ask yourself directly one or all of the following:

What do I get from standing in the way of my flow?

How does this pattern serve me or sabotage me and others?

Who would be threatened by a sudden burst of creative power? (look at both your relationships and your internal identities, aka. my drama queen, my knight in shining armor, my responsible identity)

What am I holding onto by staying anchored in my current position?

What am I afraid of if I were to open my creative flow?

When you have the answer, you will feel a shift of energy. Maybe you will laugh, or maybe you will cry, but you will feel a shift in your flow. Keep working with the questions until you get to this shift. If you find it difficult, then consult the other tools below!

Give Yourself a Day Off!

That’s right, let yourself off the hook. Stop pushing the boat with your bare hands, when the anchor carries much more weight than your force.

When I find my clients are fighting the flow, I sometimes just tell them to go play. Seriously, take a whole day off, better yet, take a week. I know this seems counter productive, especially when you are pushing a deadline on yourself, you have “responsibilities”, you have people that count on you. Blah, blah, blah.

I have heard all the excuses, but the bottom line is when the ship is anchored, it is time to jump ship for while. Go out and do something you really enjoy. Revel in your pleasure. Put your attention on something else besides what you should be doing, where you should be or the spot you are currently sitting in.

For some of you this is going to be hard! You push yourself all the time to do more. Your reaction to a stuck ship is to push harder and fight more. I appreciate your determination, but truth be told, determination and force will not get you out of this situation quickly, and will instead let you get stuck even more in the mud.

So right now, I am giving all of you permission to take a day off. This just isn’t from anyone (just imagine my puffed out chest and very serious expression), but from an experienced business and relationship coach, an expert (for those of you who need the justification), a student of the human psyche and much, much more.

If you are stuck, go out and get a new perspective.

Don’t Fight the Flow, Follow it!

Overall, this is the best way around your anchored ship!

Most of the time, the reason things are not flowing, is because we have decided that the best move is to fight our natural flow instead of following it. This is especially true for those of us that are non-linear. We don’t move in consistent patterns or work well in routine. We need change, spontaneity and less structure to do our best work.

Many of you who think you like routine are actually also non-linear, but because there is so much indoctrination out there about how we should be (especially in business), we force our selves to follow structure, strict rules and guidelines.

Unfortunately, so many of us continue to try and control our innate tendencies. We force ourselves into a box that we believe will bring us success, in trade for following our flow which some people feel is laziness, unproductive or even detrimental to our well being.

There is a lot of judgement out there around action and productivity. Let me give you an example: let’s take someone who is a natural non-linear creative. They work best when they can follow their flow, their innate motivation and their energy. The days that they give themselves permission to just follow their energy and do whatever they feel inspired to do are their most productive days. When they are working on a project and their energy naturally flows to working on that project, they get a week’s worth of work done in one day.

The problem is, the next day they get up and they feel inspired to do something else. Instead of just following their flow again, they try to force themselves to be productive and get the project done. They just can’t give themselves permission to “play”, “be lazy” or “have fun”.

They may sit at the computer, typing along, but nothing is flowing. They don’t feel inspired. The work is trudging along and all of the energy is completely unproductive. In fact, all the work they do doesn’t feel right, and the next day they may go back and erase it all. Sound familiar?

There is another way!

Have you every seen Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince? If you have, remember the part where he takes the “liquid luck”? If you haven’t seen it, you should go out and rent it, because this particular piece is a good lesson for all of us.

Harry is on a mission to capture a certain memory from one of the professors. We will call this his “project”. For the project, he had an “intention” to somehow get this professor who is very reluctant, to willingly give him the memory. He decides to use the “liquid luck” and immediately he feels great. He starts following his intuition and going in the direction that his “feelings” tells him to go, even though it seems completely off course from getting his “project” done.

The lesson is that because he just kept listening to his feelings, he eventually completed his project in a timely and magical way. Watch this scene again, and remember that the magic lives inside all of us, we just have to follow our own flow.

Here is a suggestion for those of you who find yourself constantly fighting the flow, and resisting completing your projects (even ones that really inspire you).

For the first time, your practice run, I encourage you to try it with a project that you are inspired by and one that doesn’t have a lot of pressure attached to it.

Make a goal for your project: say completing it in four weeks. This is now your intention: to complete your project easily in four weeks while following your flow. Each morning, get up and spend 5 minutes quiet time to feel this intention. Then spend the day following your flow.

Yes, you may have a huge to-do list, and you may have to take care of clients, children or your spouse, but in the in-between times, give yourself permission to follow your energy. What do you want to do, and what would feel good? What feels creative and inspiring? What would make you relax? Even if it seems complete off course of your intention, see where your natural tendency takes you.

If you continue to do this for four weeks, each day acknowledging your intention and when you feel the flow to work on the project you follow it, I bet you will accomplish much more than you imagined.

When I work with clients, one of the first things I help them feel is their natural flow: what motivates them, where there energy goes from day-to-day. If we can align their life, business and relationships with that natural tendency, then life becomes so much more effortless and productive. Sometimes they resist for a while, it can take a few months to unwind all of their former indoctrinations, but the end result is magic!

Have fun playing with these suggestions and let your creativity and power flow!

I saw this quote the other day and it inspired me. I talk a lot about motivation because I believe it is a cornerstone to living authentically and a key to creating a successful business, relationship or life. It is important to know what innately motivates you and to ignite that motivation for a fulfilling life.

Motivation without Direction, is like a Moving Ship with no Compass and no Land in Sight

Focus and direction are just as important as motivation. We so often look for inspiration and motivation to keep going, to make money, to find our ideal partner or to keep our patterns intact. We move down the same path and often encounter the same obstacles.

How many times have you found yourself spinning in circles or questioning which way to go?

What we should be asking ourselves, is where this choice will take us.

Each day we make innumerable choices. Each of those choices leads us in one direction or another. Often our choices lead us in the opposite direction of our desired goals and dreams.

Choices left Unexamined Guide us Down Dark Waterways

It is amazing how many assumptions and patterns we all are running. I find it fascinating when my clients come to me with all of these ideas they have left unexamined. They assume this is the right direction, and that certain things in their life have to remain unchanged. They have decided what is possible and what is impossible. Because so much has been left unexamined in their lives, they lose direction or hope and end up in a sea spinning in infinite circles.

Does this sound like a familiar feeling? Have you been sitting in dark waterways waiting for the light?

Before we can move out of the dark waterway, we have to start examining our day-to-day choices. So often we say we want one thing, but constantly make choices that lead us to something else. Let’s look at a few examples.

Example One: the Wrong Path to an Ideal Relationship

Someone says they really want a partner that treats them well, has the same dreams they do, inspires them and shares their same values. So they go out into the dating world, and they meet someone who seems great at first.

Really soon in the relationship, they realize that this person doesn’t share their values. This is the first red flag, but they start to justify why it is okay to keep pursuing the relationship. Maybe this new person treats them pretty well, but they don’t share their vision for what they want in life and they feel unsupported and misaligned with them.

There is a thousand excuses as to why this person ignores the red flags and is pursuing a relationship that they know isn’t aligned with what they say they want. Maybe they don’t feel like they can get what they want, maybe they are “in love” and don’t want to give it up, maybe they feel scared about walking away and hurting someone.

The bottom line: they are making choices that lead them towards the wrong relationship instead of to the right one.

Example Two: the Wrong path to a Sustainable Business

Let’s use the example of someone who has a massage business. They have been doing this for a long time and are ready to attract the clients who fully value their work and become raving fans. They want long-term, committed clients who pay full price. They want to work less and make more.

This is what they want, but they are also feeling desperate for more clients. So they deeply discount their massages, hoping to attract more people into their business. They lower their value, therefore not getting the value they know on some level they deserve.

They also attract people just looking for a discounted massage or those valuing pricing instead of a high-quality service. Consequently, those new clients won’t pay for the full value and they will never be ideal clients or raving fans.

The bottom lline: her choices have lead her down a path opposite to her goals and objectives.

Turning the Ship Around

So how do we know if we are moving ourselves in the right direction? How do we turn ourselves around if we are on the wrong path?

This is where I see the value in education (see the above quote). This isn’t your average education, but education of a much different kind. To determine the right direction, you need to practice the skills of contemplation, discernment and the willingness to be honest. We take for granted these simple life skills.

Contemplation allows us to look and evaluate our own choices:
Where is this choice taking me?
What are my goals and aspirations?
Will this path lead me there, or am I going in a completely different direction?

Discernment allows us to recognize the difference between one road and another:
Is there a better choice to lead me towards my goals and dreams?
Which choice is coming from my heart and which is coming from my head?
Which choice is from fear or scarcity, and which one is from joy and abundance?

The Willingness to be Honest allows us to change course:
Can I let go of my fear and move towards what I really want?
Am I willing to let go of my ego and turn my ship around?
Can I admit that I have been going in the wrong direction so that I can find the right one?

These are skills you can develop, and they take practice and ideally a good teacher. The Authentic Way is a process that specializes in teaching you to contemplate, discern and get really honest with yourself. It supports you to put yourself back on the right path to your goals and dreams.

Begin to ask yourself if this choice will lead you to your desired destination. Will this path point you towards your dreams, your purpose and a life fulfilled? If the answer is a confident yes, keep moving, but if it is not 100%, then ask yourself what choice could lead you to your most important life objectives.

Be willing to be honest, and be willing to be wrong. It is okay if you are not on the right path, that is the beauty of life and every moment presents us with a choice to radically change our direction. If you know you are going in the wrong direction, don’t hesitate, turn your life around. Start today, start this very moment…start with the next choice you have.

I have been there many times, turning my ship around. It is powerful journey!

As always, many blessings on your journey ahead.

Whoa, this boat is rocking!!!

Steering your ship and finding direction are an important part of life whether you are navigating business or a relationship. Life can get rocky and we have to make sure we don’t veer too far off course in times when we are literally bathing in troubled waters.

I am not just talking about major life situations, but sometimes we hit overwhelm, exhaustion or resistance in our day-to-day life. These little hiccups stop us from living fully and from moving forward in all areas of our life.

There is a culprit taking control of the helm…

I love playing with identities. Inside of us, at all times, we have a party going on and there are many different identities swimming around. We have our “Rebel”, our “Control Freak”, our “We Have it all Together” gal, our “Princess”, our “Golden Knight”, our “Innocent Child” or our “Drama Queen”, just to name a few.

Sorting these little identities out actually clears the way for our Authentic Self to take the lead, and the rocky waters can be navigated safely, effectively and with ease.

First order of business: you have to identify who has inspired the mutiny, kicked your shiny, Authentic Self out of the steering room and clearly taken over your life’s direction. Yes, this has happened to you. It happens to all of us.

Here is how you might experience it. All of sudden you are in your business and you recognize you are not very clear. Nothing seems to move smoothly. You have all these things to do, but you don’t feel inspired to do them. You feel exhausted, resistant and stressed and would rather do anything else, but your to-do list.

Or maybe you were cruising along in your relationship, just enjoying the view and all of sudden you notice you are angry at your partner. You just wish they would leave you alone, give you more attention or just get the hell out of your way. You can probably guess that it is not your shiny Authentic Self operating the boat, but another identity has clearly taken over.

Identifying the mutiny leader…

How do you identify who has taken over and how to your put your Authentic Self back in control of the ship?

You have to be willing to play. I know, in times of trouble, play seems like the farthest thing from your “should do” list. Making fun of yourself is one of the quickest ways to pull yourself out of the mud.

You have to be willing to own that something else has taken possession of your ship and that the “something” is just another aspect of you!

So let’s take an example! Let’s say you are stuck today in your business. You just don’t want to do that “thing” you know you have to do. It has been on your to-do list for days and you have done everything to avoid it. It is sucking up your attention, your energy and you are left feeling uninspired, exhausted and grumpy.

STOP!!! This is a sign that someone else is in charge of the helm. So stop and ask yourself who has taken over. You have to be willing to play with it. Imagine who it could be. Remember when you were a kid, and you could easily put on your dress up clothes, quickly transforming into a pirate or a princess. Let yourself play with this part of yourself. Who does it feel like?

Is it your Rebel? Is it your Spoiled Princess? It is your Child wanting to get out and play?

You have to identify it. You will know when you have gotten the character right…it will make you laugh, cry or just breathe easier. It will create space where there was constriction. You will feel a new awareness and what seemed so big, will now be much smaller.

Letting your character speak…

Once you identify clearly who has taken over, you have to let them speak. They took over the helm, because you weren’t acknowledging them, you weren’t listening to them and they had something very important to tell you.

Believe me, there is a message underlying the mutiny and until they are heard, they will keep sabotaging your days. Let’s say you have the Rebel at the helm. What does he want? What would satisfy him, so he can go back to his part of the ship and let your Authentic Self steer the way home?

Maybe the Rebel wants to feel like he has a say in the day. Maybe he is tired of the drudging to-do lists, the have-tos and the lack of fun, fun, fun. Maybe you could create some space for him: space to play, to follow his own lead and to do exactly what he wants to do. Maybe you could start your day out so that the Rebel can play. He just needs a little time, maybe 30 minutes to an hour to have his say.

It is pretty simple, you offer him some free time and he will be willing to give you back your ship. He doesn’t really want to steer, he just needed a little attention. Then you can get back to your business, except you will be more productive, more authentic and much more efficient than you were with this Rebel at the wheel.

This process may seem silly, but the truth is, it works!

I guarantee you that following this process will take you faster through the troubled waters than force, pushing yourself, your usual strategies or just trying to ignore it.

Seriously, it is that simple…

If you know a few smart parents, or you are one yourself, you might have noticed that when you child is dying for attention, and they are really bugging you for something right now, that when you finally give them your undivided attention, it only takes a few minutes before they are happy and off on their merry way.

The same is true of your identities. They just want a little attention, and when you acknowledge them, they often feel satisfied and leave you to navigate your life again, easily.

Meet my “Damsel in Distress aka The Drama Queen”…

Are you ready for my real life example? So, not too long ago, in a land, far, far away, I discovered my Damsel in Distress aka The Drama Queen. I was exploring some resistance. I just wasn’t into “doing” my business that day. I just wanted to play. I had a ton of things on my plate, and I was feeling uninspired and overwhelmed. For me, when I don’t want to do things, my Damsel in Distress takes over and I go into overwhelm.

So, I had to stop what I was doing and figure out who had taken over the helm. I knew it wasn’t my Authentic Self, because when I am in that part of myself, things are easy, and my to-do list flows very smoothly.

So I started to feel what was going on. I began to sense this “Spoiled Princess” inside of me. The little girl who just wanted to play.

Yes, all of these play identities are rooted in our childhood experiences. For me, I was forced to grow up way to fast in my childhood. I became an adult at a very early age. I was never able to be the “Spoiled Princess”, and instead had to become the Knight. My princess, never having had her day in the spotlight, became a Damsel in Distress to get the attention she so deserved. She resented her plight in childhood, and so every time she wanted attention she created overwhelm and became the Drama Queen.

The key is you have to ask these aspects of yourself what they want. When I asked my Damsel in Distress what she really wanted, the Spoiled Princess appeared and asked to stop being ignored. This part of myself wanted to stop taking care of everyone else and be pampered. I had spent a few days in this negative space, so now that I was acknowledging my Spoiled Princes, I was already feeling better.

So I decided to give the girl her day. I enrolled my family in the game. They loved it. I asked my husband to become my Knight as soon as dinner was put on the table, and I could do whatever I wanted and fully play out the Spoiled Princess. The kids were completely into the drama and the whole family took part in supporting my character. I made an agreement that we would try this for a week…but guess what! I found that after one day, I no longer needed it. My Spoiled Princess was satisfied and she willingly let go of the helm.

Boom…I was back in business. I found myself immediately more present, excited and inspired. It completely changed the space I was in and a ton of amazing things happened in the days following this discovery.

It will move you! I encourage you to try it out!

If you find any really stubborn characters, seek some support. I would love the opportunity to do some work with any of your aspects and help you fully step into your Authentic Power!

I honor your journey and wish you lots of happiness at the helm!